Secrets

April 28, 2017

 

 

One hundred secrets

Only a few revealed to you

One hundred secrets

They plague your mind too

 

One hundred secrets

They fill my brain

One hundred secrets

Making me feel insane

 

One hundred secrets

Only a few revealed to you

 

I’m alone.

Nobody seems to care about me

About my feelings

About my wants and needs

 

But as I look around

I see people

People in love

People with happy families

I become envious - why can’t i have that

 

A secret told is no longer a secret

One secret dead

Ninety-nine secrets living

Breathing

Growing

 

I'm abused

That’s a pretty straight forward secret isn't it?

What else do you want to know?

I go back into the world like nothing happened

Hiding the pain

Hiding the tears

No one notices the new marks on my heart, my mind, my soul

 

If there ever did there was a line

“It’s just drama”

Of course they believed me

I counted on it

But now you know the truth

 

One more secret dead

Ninety - eight left

 

The

 

The horrible wretched thoughts

 

“Kill yourself.” They whisper

“You don’t deserve to live.”

I do my best to push them away

It doesn’t feel good to hear these things.

But...maybe they’re right?

 

Three secrets dead.

Ninety-seven secrets left

 

Now of course I’m not going to tell you all of them

But I’ll tell you two more

Just two more deadly secrets

 

I wish I was skinny

If only i looked like her

Throwing up once is sinning

Binging twice can ruin all the effort

You tell me I’m beautiful

I don’t believe you

The vicious cycle will continue

 

Another secret gone

One less secret to tell you

Scars litter my body

Thoughts linger and haunt me

Where can I find my release?

My skin has suffered much

Pain caused by a touch

 

When does it ever end?

Does it ever end?

How many more secrets will be left unsaid.

 

About the author: Samantha has been writing for four years unprofessionally and would like to use her poetry and stories to bring awareness and healing to others. Her poetry is very raw, but she does so to bring to light the realization they're not alone. 

 

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