I was never taught the importance of loving yourself (who really is?) I don't know how it happened and why it did, but as a girl now heading into her twenties, I've realized that I need to start accepting who I am and who I've become. There isn't much to it, really. As someone who changes constantly, my personality has always been the same. I'm moody and angry, but not cold hearted. I laugh a lot and talk too much, but there are days where I don't feel like doing either. It's not because I'm sad or lonely, it's just who I am.
As I'm getting older I try not to care about what people think and by doing so, I guess I'm accepting myself. It's the little things that you don't notice that counts as slowly loving yourself. I've gotten frustrated at myself when people tell me that I'm too skinny and guiltily as a teenager I would have pat myself on the shoulder like it was an achievement. Now, I cringe at the thought because I'm tired of hearing it. Somewhere as a teenager and now I've grown, without even knowing that I had. Just a couple of days ago, I'm at Gap in the fitting room, staring at myself at the mirror. My hair is long and dark, the curls and frizzy waves tangled right down my back. I don't have many curves except my breasts that are usually falling out of my bra.
For the first time, I didn't think about the parts of myself that I hated. I still looked and thought about the "ifs" when it came to my body, but at that moment, I accepted the parts that I used to hate.
You can't force yourself to love yourself because then it's not real.
For me, it's slowly happening. I'm comfortable in my body, but I know I still have issues I need to work on. But the thing is, I'm not ready. Some things can't automatically be fixed. There are times when I wake up in the morning and I'm ready for the day. I like to put on some make-up and pick a cute outfit, then maybe get a nice cup of coffee. But some days it's not going to happen and it's not because you're lazy and don't want to do anything, it's because your mind isn't ready yet. There are ways that I help myself that isn't forceful.
I like to look forward to things. I like that on Monday mornings I'm going to go get an iced latte and that gets me excited for the day ahead. Even on days when I'm not looking forward to something, like a presentation, I like to think about the relief that it's over when I'm done presenting. This is how I'm getting there; slowly and not in a rush. I believe that overtime things will get better or they could get worse, but I like to imagine the things that could possibly make it better.
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