Around a year ago, I was introduced to a Public Speaker / Teacher named Matt Kahn on Youtube. In one of his seminars, he discussed Soul Contracts. There was one sentence out of the whole hours seminar that stuck out like a sore thumb for me. He said, "If there is any abuse within any relationship, the contract is void". He continued on to say that once abuse begins, the karma within that relationship doesn't exist and getting out of the abuse is the top priority. If you don't act on this, the universe will quite literally force you out. After watching the seminar and reflecting on my then recent events, I realized that this was exactly what the Universe had done to me.
On my 18th birthday, I had moved out, been in a relationship with my partner for almost 2 years & had given birth to my daughter the previous month. I would say that it was around this time that the noticeable signs of abuse were showing themselves.
As a couple, we were dependent on my partners income to get by. Every week we would buy necessary items: baby food, nappies, personal hygiene products and his work food. Once those items were purchased, I didn't see the rest. We would get home and he would look for an excuse to go out and drink all weekend. By the time he had come back on Sunday morning, there would be no money left.
This continued for a few months, which was leading me towards the desire to leave the relationship. I didn't feel loved, supported, important or heard. Every issue was my fault. All my emotions were invalid and it was about what he needed. I was being emotionally, mentally and financially abused.
One night, something happened that I never thought would happen to me: domestic violence. I have never been so shaken and scared for not only my own life, but my daughters too.
It was after this incident when my mental health started to deteriorate. I was experiencing anxiety attacks daily with some lasting as long an hour a time. I wasn't eating due to the stress I was experiencing.
I wanted to leave so many times, but I never had the mental strength to do it. I always planned it. I would wake up one morning and say to myself "I will leave today. I can do it," but never went through with it.
On one day I was experiencing anxiety so severe that all I wanted was to be in mum's home and in mum's energy, so I left and never went back. It took me well over a year to recover and heal mentally, but I took a lot away from the experience.
In relation to the seminar I watched, the universe removed me from the relationship through my severe anxiety. There were many times I could have left, but obviously I never took them. Something drastic had to happen for me to leave.
Abuse in relationships is not okay in any shape or form whether it be sexual, financial or mental. If you are experiencing abuse in any relationship, please know that you are worth more than that. Take the time to heal, to forgive yourself, to forgive the situation and to forgive everybody involved. Only then can you move forward.
Remember, if you don't take the opportunities to listen and follow where the universe is guiding you, it will force you out of the situation. Abuse is never the answer.
About the author: Chloé is a book addicted, crystal lover. Hiding away in the nature of New Zealand, she is always finding a way to lend a helping hand. She is passionate about historical artifacts & is always looking for new places to go find inspiration and write.