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Orthorexia

I wanted to be soft and pliable forever
tough as sinew and harder than teeth
like black matte along a length of skeleton
no man could penetrate
I wanted to lie sweating on the floor
hydrangea blossoms of bruises on my lower back
as I arched and twisted
curled and turned
pressed into impossible positions
on invisible grooves no fingers could replicate
but you saw me as a live wire not a dead thing
not a form or pose to correct and modify
a body without substance or content
athletics butting heads with self-flagellation
and as you watched I saw me too
a pretzel girl trying to turn the shape of something
into the shape of everything
and maybe on some level
I wanted to hate you for what you did
picking me up off my stomach
and away from the stinky stick of the weight room floor
you kissed salt from my brows
brought me flowers and fruit
music and wine and light and you told me
like Rumi at the altar of a red goddess
that I was beauty
beyond compare
beyond neon spandex and cute choreography
past the fitness gurus and fanatics
so when I packed it in on the main trail
swapped my fear for a plain old mat
there we were
you with your fresh eggs
me with my magic words
and together we made pasta that tasted
more like life and love and health
than any foam roller ever had
and maybe on some level
I wanted to hate you for saving me
but I don’t think that’s true because this, now
hand to heart to pen
is all the physical therapy I will ever need
and despite the ketone funk around me
through rivers of my hair
dripping like the brown roots of an ancient tree
you peered into my eyes
and told me quite plainly
“yes, I still love you
and yes, for fuck’s sake
I still hate hot yoga.”
About the Author: Galactic gypsy, princess of peace, and priestess of positivity, Summer is doing her darnedest to topple conventions and inspire the world one quirky-but-true story at a time. She got her start writing at the age of four on what was possibly the worst Roman holiday in human history and will gleefully make art about her personal experiences with life, death, magic, love, and everything in between until the day she hits that Great Hay Bale in the Sky. Currently lives in New York City with her Soulmate and a bunch of adorable plants.