Orthorexia

I wanted to be soft and pliable forever

tough as sinew and harder than teeth

like black matte along a length of skeleton

no man could penetrate

I wanted to lie sweating on the floor

hydrangea blossoms of bruises on my lower back

as I arched and twisted

curled and turned

pressed into impossible positions

on invisible grooves no fingers could replicate

but you saw me as a live wire not a dead thing

not a form or pose to correct and modify

a body without substance or content

athletics butting heads with self-flagellation

and as you watched I saw me too

a pretzel girl trying to turn the shape of something