Unhinged

I was sitting there, scrolling through some sort of social media

then movement caught my eye –

Spindle legs danced or scattered or chased

over the wooden table folded next to me.

Spider –

one of the few sorts of creatures that I can’t deal with.

Before I could think about how it was just in the wrong place

at the wrong time

WHACK

The fly swatter unhinged one of the spindle legs

leaving it to rot on the suede arm of the sofa

while the carcass was flung into the air and then

down

Out of sight.

This small moment, not the moment of killing, that would be too honorable,

but this small moment of surprise

of a visit from an unwelcome guest and the loss of sight of the said guest

unhinged me

I ran to my bathroom and stood in front of the sink, still in my pjs

and breathed faster

and faster

andfasterandfasterandfaster

until I couldn’t focus.

What was that grounding thing, again?

Find five of something

four of something –

God, what were the stupid senses that I was supposed to be finding things for?

I cried

I shook

I scratched at my skin

My pups tried to comfort me

But this moment found my anxiety, buried deep

and left me

Unhinged.