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Unhinged

I was sitting there, scrolling through some sort of social media
then movement caught my eye –
Spindle legs danced or scattered or chased
over the wooden table folded next to me.
Spider –
one of the few sorts of creatures that I can’t deal with.
Before I could think about how it was just in the wrong place
at the wrong time
WHACK
The fly swatter unhinged one of the spindle legs
leaving it to rot on the suede arm of the sofa
while the carcass was flung into the air and then
down
Out of sight.
This small moment, not the moment of killing, that would be too honorable,
but this small moment of surprise
of a visit from an unwelcome guest and the loss of sight of the said guest
unhinged me
I ran to my bathroom and stood in front of the sink, still in my pjs
and breathed faster
and faster
andfasterandfasterandfaster
until I couldn’t focus.
What was that grounding thing, again?
Find five of something
four of something –
God, what were the stupid senses that I was supposed to be finding things for?
I cried
I shook
I scratched at my skin
My pups tried to comfort me
But this moment found my anxiety, buried deep
and left me
Unhinged.