Waiting For Something More
I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who feels like they don't have enough.
I tell myself all the time to be grateful for what I have -- to be grateful to live in the luxury of having a roof over my head and endless use of technologies. But this isn't about money. I mean, we all wish we had a little bit more of money to keep us forever in a stable environment. This is about believing that there is something bigger out there -- that there is this endless excitement and adventure away from routine. I get anxious whenever I think about what's next after I finish a chapter in my life.
This generation is fast paced and that scares me because I feel as though I'm behind. But I know that's my decision and not some ridiculous excuse calling it "fate". It's not like I sit around waiting for something interesting to happen, but I figure I need to relax a bit. I'm taking my time when it comes to waiting for that crazy adventure I'm going to take one day. I'm going to wait for those days where I'm isolated outside of the city for a autumn weekend. It's not something that I can just do one morning but I want to heal my adventure. I want to be able to wake up one morning and not feel tired from routine. I want to wake up fresh and content with how my life is going.
I tell myself I'm realistic, but I'm also told I'm cynical. I understand this to an extent. Is it wrong to believe that something that could potentially not happen because I say so? Sure.
But here's the thing: It sounds nice and it sounds like the mindset I should be living, but I'm not so patient anymore. Yes, I am young, but I am this generations' young. I need things to move along quickly. I want to do so many things and I think everything is an obstacle. Besides knowing that there is more out there in a spiritual sense, I'm hoping there's something more adventure out there.
I think I'm stuck in a rut, but in a rut that is so utterly boring. People know I'm a little social bee. I love being out all the time, whether it's rain or shine. I will sit outside on a bench or in a coffee shop just because I'm out of my small apartment. Those little things are okay for me now. Deep within my routine I'm able to find little adventures that can help shake things up. I believe, for now, that just being able to find small things in my daily life that I could use for my enjoyment, like rushing to get a cup of coffee or taking a walk on a cold day, is fun for me. I like to think that there will be better things awaiting for me in a few years or maybe less when I know I'm ready.