This is for my social butterflies.
Could you imagine a life without parties? A life without endless drinks and constant laughter? There are days when I'm home and I can't stand it. I get bored so quickly even if I have rows and rows of books in my bedroom. I have my laptop that can stream any movie or documentary that I could think of, but yet I rather be outside. There could be a huge thunderstorm with pouring rain or a snow storm where everything is covered in powdered white fluff and I wish to be outside for just a second. Nature aside, I think my whole life I've craved a social life.
My teenage years were quiet. I didn't go to parties or have many friends, but I wasn't anti-social or anything it just sort of happened. I went to an overly crowded school that, like most city schools, didn't have cliques. I feel like that's something that most students are grateful for. My parents were super strict growing up and especially in my teens, so I didn't really allow myself to socialize that much. I was in AP courses with a few kids that eventually became close friends throughout the rest of high school.
After I graduated, most of my friends all went to different schools and I was eventually left alone for my first two years of college. It was hard because I knew I was tired of not being able to do anything or go anywhere without having much of a social life. It was almost like I was coming out of that cocoon. By my third year I've gotten the courage to finally pick friends that I have a true connection with and since then I've been unstoppable with social events. I crave nights in the city with ice cold Coronas, summer outfits, and rooftop adventures.
Then thing about being an extrovert is that you can never really figure out what we're going through. Our feelings and emotions are all hidden through all these parties; it's like we're just fluttering about and doing multiple things and meeting different people, but at least for me, it's just to forget about the stressful things that are happening in my life. With family and school it's such a weight on my shoulders that I just need a few drinks with a friend and I'm okay for a few hours. I guess I believe in no days of rest...at least for now. I see photos of "lazy days" and I wonder how someone could do it. Maybe I just do it differently than most people, but i just love being out there. It's hard to explain, especially to introverts. Yes, I do have a couple of wallflowers as friends and knowing them, they just need there space.
I love myself more than I ever did when I was 17. When I look back at myself, I didn't realize how sad I was. Not sad because I wasn't social, but sad because I wasn't fully myself yet. I was a little bookish and quiet, but I look back and I think I might have been screaming on the inside. I was bored everyday, but I lost myself in different ways than I do now.