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See Me The Way I See You

I wait patiently as the captain finally announces that we are ready to take off. I’m relieved that a thirty minute delay didn’t turn into a deplane, or a cancellation – although at this point I’m not sure why I’m even rushing to get home. His message floats to the top of my notification bar:

“When does your flight get here?”

“7:39pm” I reply quickly.

“Ok, I can pick you up, is it LaGuardia?”

I smile. I had been slightly distant while I was on vacation in an attempt to match his detachment that developed seemingly the moment he dropped me off at the airport eight days previously – his hug cold and emotionally removed, mine reflecting that I missed him already. A year has gone by, and the excuse I’ve used that I need to give it more time is starting to sound ridiculous even in my own head. I had spent so many nights lying awake, hoping that I might figure out the pattern or the secret answer key that would make it all make sense – the intimacy that felt so real one minute, but then disappeared the next. Why it was almost the real thing… but not quite the real thing.

It was Newark, not LaGuardia. I knew the moment I told him, he wouldn’t come through. I always knew, but some microscopic part of me held onto hope that he would.

“No it’s Newark.”